


as i watched in fascination, our eyes met

by svnkissed



Series: PRIDE MONTH SPECIALS (2020) [3]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Adorable Choi Soobin, Angst and Feels, Based on a Vocaloid Song, Coming Out, Genderqueer Character, LGBTQ Themes, Other, Shy Choi Soobin, Trans Male Character, Whipped Kang Taehyun, help me, i need more TAEBIN, pls soobin is just a soft baby and tyun is vv gorgeous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24515872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svnkissed/pseuds/svnkissed
Summary: soobin has never set foot near the water, having always stargazed by the port by the ocean.unknowingly, he caught the eye of someone he'd never expect to meet.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun
Series: PRIDE MONTH SPECIALS (2020) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773781
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	as i watched in fascination, our eyes met

**Author's Note:**

> title from deep sea girl's lyrics 
> 
> \- 
> 
> go listen to deep sea girl in order to get the vibes. 
> 
> also slightly inspired by what i remember from the dawn treader or POTC— 
> 
> the whole fic is going to be in soobin's perspective as well! uwu! side note that i am neither trans or genderqueer and i apologize in advance if i have offended or have written something wrong about these amazing people. i just wanted to showcase how diverse we can be and how it's so important for us to alo recognize these people in pride month, especially black genderqueer and trans folks who are suffering right now. 
> 
> love you all, and i hope that this piece of work is okay <3

the sea has always been a great comfort to me in my dark days, and yet, i am afraid of it. in my heart, there was always this fear that has always resided with me, clinging onto me like a monkey.

there was something about the deep blue ocean that makes me feel uneasy. i never found the reason why, and even so, i've never really gone that deep before. i've only dipped in the water of the ocean when i come to visit the port in front of the city, or maybe when my father lets me come with him during his expeditions, i admire it for all it's beauty. it's a beautiful thing, the ocean, but it's vastness makes me scared. 

i still don't know why i always come back to the port at night when i want to be alone. maybe because of the quietness that was there. yes, it might be the case. too much chaos in our home, mainly because of my father and his companions and their meetings and the normal noisiness of our family.

i walk to the familiar, white sea port, with the countless ships and small sailing boats resting nearby, and at the distance, i could spot a lighthouse with it's lights turned off, and the smell of seawater welcomed me back into my little sanctuary. i smile to myself. 

i sat down on the edge of the small bridge that was used to board passengers or load to the ships. i sigh. everything's become a little hectic, with my sister preparing for her new job, my brother working with my dad, and me helping my mother handle our small bakery. there was a lot that we have to do, and yet, it seemed like it isn't everything. 

my eyes wandered to the ocean, and to the water that i was scared of since i was a child. the sound of the water hitting my feet and ankles was refreshing, and the moon shines brightly. everything felt still and calm, and i was content about that. 

i swayed my legs quietly, and the water splashing at them made me giggle. i then remember a song that my mother used to sing for me when i was a child. 

my..real mother. she's gone now. the one running the bakery with me is just someone my father married after she was gone. the lyrics of the song flowed through my lips rather effortlessly, as i have never forgotten it. 

i closed my eyes, and i remember being with my mother in this very port, holding me close as she told me stories of the sea, of how once, she met a beautiful woman who had a fishtail for legs when she was in her youth. i wanted to meet her back then, this woman who has captivated my mother and stole her heart, but how can i do so when my father told me that her kind are dangerous to us? it didn't make sense. 

i then felt something wet on my lap, and i opened my eyes to see a boy with his arms crossed on my lap, his wide, chestnut-colored eyes staring at me. his expression was of wonder and curiosity, and his cherry hair was wet from the swimming he had.

“why'd you stop?” he asked. 

dear me, he's _stunning_. his voice is even better than mine, and the way he just tilts his head when he asked— what the _fuck_. he's so gorgeous..

i tried to shove these thoughts away, and i cleared my throat, “a-ah, i noticed that your weight was..um..” the boy smiles and giggles softly. 

“it's quite alright. you don't mind having some company, do you?” he asked, moving away from my lap and swims to the spot beside me and lifts himself up to sit beside me, and i get a chance to admire his beauty. 

his skin reminded me of the honey-flavored tea that i drink when i want to keep myself calm, and his fishtail was as gorgeous as the boy himself. it reflected the light of the moon, and it was almost like a rainbow of colors. it resembled a painting— vibrant and full of life. his transparent fins shone, and the in-between of his fingers had some sort of fins as well, but they were small. it seemed fit for hand-holding, though.

wait, what am i thinking?

the creature seemed to have noticed me staring, but he giggles and smiles. 

“you haven't seen someone like me before?” 

“a-ah, no.” i shook my head, hesitantly looking up at his eyes, “i..haven't. i only heard about someone like you from my mother, but i have long forgotten the name of your kind..” i scratched my nape and chewed on my lip. he smiles and scoots closer. 

he lifts up my chin ever so gently, and we meet eyes again. i was entranced by his spell, and i don't think that i can get out of it. we aren't _too_ close, but close enough for me to feel his warm breath, and it still made me slightly shiver. 

“i'm what you call a mermaid. but i'm also another thing,” he tells me in a whisper, sweetness dripping from his lips, like it was a secret. “i'm also a _siren_.”

my breath got caught on my throat for a second, but he quickly smiles and his hand moved away from my chin, “no, no, don't worry. i'm not here to curse you to the bottom of the ocean, dear me, no. that's not what i do.” 

he chuckles and smiles, and i could see a small dimple on his cheek. 

i finally had the courage to ask him a question. “so you're..a mermaid and a siren?” he nods and hums softly, oh dear, his voice is so beautiful. if he weren't a siren, he could've been a famous singer, famed for his amazing looks and his talented voice. yes, i'm sure that he would be so.

“hm, yes, if you put it that way. but let's stop talking about me for a second, sir,” he replied, and he looks at me dead at the eyes, and i felt like i couldn't breathe. he was just so gorgeous.

“your voice is so beautiful. more beautiful than any other siren i've ever come across before.” 

i widen my eyes and i looked down, my hands fiddling with each other. my ears and cheeks felt warm, and i was sure that they were painted pink. my thanks came out as a mumble, and the mermaid giggles, scooting closer. 

“but is my voice really more beautiful than a siren's? i don't think so..” i sighed, and looked to the sea beyond us. “i haven't sang for others before, even accidentally, and when i did, they told me that it was nice, but i think they only did that for pity.” 

a silence followed before he spoke, “i'm sure some were sincere about that, like how i'm sincere for you, sir,” he murmurs, and placed his hand on mine, and we met eyes again. his touch was..oddly comforting. like it was the embodiment of the sea comforting me as always. he smiles, “i would listen to you everyday until i get sleepy and drift off into the sea.” 

we giggled at that, and i could notice his cheeks being the same hue as his hair. 

“o-oh dear, are you cold? do you want my coat?” the air was chilly indeed, and i was afraid that he might get sick— if that was even possible. i was starting to remove my coat when the boy shook his head and giggles. 

the mermaid shook his head and giggles, “no, no, i'm alright, sir. don't take off your coat for me, you seem to need it more.” 

“b-but, you seem to need it more than me, mister..” 

the mermaid quirked his eyebrow up at me and straightens his back, creating the effect that he was intimidating me. and it surely worked— my heart felt heavy. 

“‘mister’? i am no mister to you, _sir_ , and i'm not a lady, either. i'm neither of those things.” 

i blinked my eyes. what? i tilted my head and stared at this creature. um, i don't really..get this. i really don't know what to say. 

“so..you're not a lady or a man..but..?” i sat up properly and furrowed my brows, thinking deeply. “how should i refer to you, then?” the mermaid giggles softly at my dilemma but smiles.

“to put it simply—” they cut themselves off, shaking their head, “ah, it's not very simple, actually. shall i explain it to you on another day? it's late, and humans like you need sleep.” their glassy eyes peered through me and i relaxed, slouching a little bit and i nodded, humming. the creature dived back into the water and i forgot something. 

“wait!” 

the creature turned back at me, their body effortlessly floating amongst the soft waves of the sea. this person..this..this _beautiful creature_..i want to be with them. our time spent together was too short. 

“what should i call you? you're a nameless mermaid, siren, whatever creature you may be— i-i want to see you again,” the warmth from my body felt like being transferred to my cheeks, “m-my name is soobin. choi soobin.”

the creature laughs, putting a hand to their chest and smiling. 

“i'm kang taehyun, at your service,” their smile widens and i could see a dimple and sharp teeth, and they looked adorable. “see you again, soobin-ssi! have a good night!” 

they wave at me before turning their back and swimming to the deep sea, and i was left alone all again, drowning in the seeping coldness of the air and quietly relishing in the remaining warmth i felt when they were here. 

taehyun..so that was their name. it's fitting, melodious, just like the creature themselves. 

my emotions are a mess and i returned home much later after contemplating about taehyun's presence and time with me. ah, dear me, what has happened?  
  
  


♪¸¸.•*¨*•. 

> _how heavenly it would be to live their lives free from the thought that they were being criticized, pointed out - their love for each other discussed as though it were some low vulgar thing._

> _lilyan brock, queer patterns_

  
  
  


♪¸¸.•*¨*•.  
  
  


“you've met a mermaid who is also a siren while you moped around last night?” 

“listen, yeonjun hyung, i didn't even know that those kinds of creatures exist. mother only told me these stories when i was a child, and you know father's tall tales of the sea.”

i munched on the last piece of my food as i spoke, and yeonjun is a confused mess. 

the blond man in front of me scoffed as we continue to eat our breakfast in a small diner, and it was pleasant. for someone who is as busy as yeonjun is in the research of mythical creatures, it was refreshing to see him enjoy himself while mindlessly commenting about the small things. 

i just listened to him as i ate my last piece of brioche, staring at him as he then animatedly talks about how the cross-breeding for mermaids and sirens are extremely rare (he even did a lot of hand gestures to prove his point) and his rather endearing pout as he spoke reminds me again of why he was called “professor yeonjun of the duck lips”. 

(it's odd, i know, but everyone needs some oddity in this rather.. _plain_ world.) 

my mind wandered to taehyun, the person whom has never left my thoughts even when i returned home for bed. i am positively certain that they have cast a charm on me, as i only thought of them in the early hours of the day. sleep has failed me yet again and my cheeks felt hot that night. 

they are definitely a curious creature to be dealt with. taehyun seemed to be someone who would listen to you talk nonsense all night and wouldn't leave. i'd like that.. 

“hey, soobin, are you even listening?” 

i snapped my head up as yeonjun called me. 

“o-oh, sorry, hyung, i got carried away..” i smile sheepishly and wiped my hands and mouth after i finished my brioche and drank my tea. yeonjun's eyes peered at me suspiciously but we still continued to talk until it's time for us to go to work. 

(“good luck on your work, hyung. don't stress yourself out too much.” 

“you should do the same to yourself, soobin-ah. greet mr. choi for me, yeah?”

“uh, alright. whatever you say.”)

i walked to a large building after the breakfast and i entered, bowing respectfully to the guards and gave me access. the building was large and gave me the aura of a museum..but less attractive than one. it was full of desks and workers arranging documents and people talking to other people, and there were large paintings of sea creatures on the walls, both dangerous and safe, battles that have been won and lost, and a big chandelier in the middle of it all. 

i walked to an office where my father was, and saw that there were four men in the room. i recognized one of them as my friend, daehwi, and my father was sitting down on his chair and it seemed like i accidentally interrupted their meeting. 

“ah, i'm sorry..did i disturb you?” 

father harks a laugh and lets me sit down, “no, no, you didn't, soobin. we were just talking about how we found that a siren's call was heard last night.”

my hands got sweaty. was it taehyun's voice, or was it someone else? 

“a..siren's call?” 

“yes,” daehwi answered, sighing softly as he rubs his temple, “a sailor reported to the guards that he witnessed a siren calling for their fellow kind, possibly finding them to plan something. we still aren't sure if this is true, but we will still be investigating anyway.” 

oh dear. my chest slightly tightened and i felt like suffocating in this room. 

“we need to go out and find this coven of sirens. it's far too dangerous to the city to have sirens at every corner.” 

“people would stop going out if we let them stay for too long. business would go down, and tourism would decrease.” 

“that's too bad..the children seem to like seeing these sea creatures, though.” 

my father bangs the table and i got startled, dropping the suitcase that i was holding and the men in the room look at him, whose veins would surely pop. 

he carefully articulates his thoughts even at this stage, and says, “i say we sail. we can get sirens much faster, and we can get heaps of money if the governor sees that we've caught them, dead or alive. and besides, they'd rather have a battle at the sea than at land, wouldn't they?” 

the room went silent, and i could almost see the gears in their head starting to wind up. 

if sirens were hunted..then that's bad. they had a reputation for stealing the lives of sailors, and i've seen father being brought to tears whenever he comes back from an expedition. and even so, wouldn't that be unfair for the sirens that they're slowly running out? 

“i agree. we will sail as long as our ship will be fit for travels. hey, yonghoon,” the man father called looked to him, “ask byul if she can let us sail _puma_ to the sea. and daehwi—” he looks up and father seemed..off. “you..you must find a crew to help us sail successfully, and get beomgyu to join us as well.” 

oh no. beomgyu wouldn't dare. i shook my head to my father, with my wide eyes and pleading expression. beomgyu is young, and he has repeatedly expressed why he doesn't want to sail with father.

father glared at me and dismissed the men from their small meeting that i ruined yet again. he walks up to me and slaps my cheek, and it was sure to make it redden. 

“why are you always disagreeing with me, huh?! have you not learned from your mistakes? have you not remembered _anything_ that i taught you?!” he yelled, and i could feel the tears already prickling from the corners of my eyes. 

he just..does not know when to stop. i couldn't even look at him in the eye without wanting to cry. i have repeatedly told my sister about this, as she's the only one i can trust, but she's trying her best to let him change, and my stepmother is also doing her best— and i always feel like, no matter what, he won't stop with these sorts of actions. 

he grabbed a tuft of my hair and made me look up to him, and his eyes burned, as if he was the fire to a stake i was tied to. 

“ANSWER ME, CHOI SOOBIN!” 

i didn't, even if i flinched. and frankly, i never planned to answer him. he doesn't even listen to my explanations. 

i just stared at him blankly until he let go of my hair and let me leave.  
  
  


♪¸¸.•*¨*•.  
  
  


then, night came around. as soon as everyone in the house was asleep, i ran outside to the port carrying a bag, despite my own exhaustion from the events that transpired earlier. i found taehyun sitting there, waiting, and when they heard my footsteps, they turned around. my heart skipped a little when their wide eyes looked at me.

“hey, soobin, what's the matter?” they asked me as i sat down and breathed heavily, setting the bag down and laying down on the cold bridge and closed my eyes. 

“i..i'm just overworked, that's all.” 

“you just ran all the way here, soobin, you know you'd get hurt if you didn't pay attention to your surroundings,” taehyun reprimanded, their tone completely different from when i first heard them. 

it reminded me of how mother used to scold me— firm but gentle all at the same time. 

i frowned and leaned back, sighing. i'm not even in the mood to respond, but taehyun seemed to have understood regardless. they hum softly and moves a little backward to be a little closer to me. 

it's enough to make my heart skip again, like it was a thrilled child discovering something new. i stared up at the sky, breathing. 

“have you..have you ever thought of, um, existing?”

“the essence of existing, you mean?” taehyun suggested, opening my bag and taking a look of what's inside. it was rice cakes that my sister made for me earlier that morning, and some notes from my works. i sat up and leaned a little, watching taehyun stare at the rice cake rather blankly. 

“well, yes. existence. i've always wondered why all of— all of _this_ exists,” i motioned to the scenery sprawled out in front of us, “what is their purpose? what created them? what urged their creators to build them like this, that they could produce good and bad results?”

taehyun took a bite of the rice cake i brought for them and his eyes lit up, and i paused my impending speech and laughed. 

“is that your first time trying a rice cake, taehyun?”

they nod, “y-yes..it's so delicious, i—” they took another bite, “who made this?”

“my sister.” 

i practically beamed with pride. yes, my sister made it. yes, it's so delicious, it should be sold out everywhere and give her money. she deserves it. 

“if you can, tell your sister that kang taehyun loves her rice cakes, and i'd like to thank choi soobin for bringing me these lovely treats,” they proudly announced, and i laughed, urging the other to laugh as well.

i took a rice cake and ate as well, letting the silence wash upon us, and i pondered over the questions i laid out. 

taehyun finished their rice cake and hums, their tail going up and down slightly. they look at me and smile. 

“existence isn't purely decided by someone who'd want to make something for fun. they should have a reason to do so,” 

they stared at me for a little, their expression unreadable. kang taehyun is someone who's more of a mystery than i thought he might be. 

“and no matter what the reason is, it should have some sort of importance. something just can't exist unless it was decided by the creator themselves that it was important. every little thing— even the most trivial of things, can hold importance.” 

“so, if a rose was created because it was deemed important, then why does it feel like it isn't?” 

“to someone, it is. to someone out there, a single rose is enough to brighten their day. it gives the person some sort of— um, what was the word—” 

taehyun seemed lost, and furrowed their brows while searching for the correct word. it was endearing. they seemed so young, yet so full of beauty and wiseness like an old sage in those books i've read as a child. 

“comfort?”

“ah, yes! comfort,” they say, snapping their fingers together and looking at me with their sparkling eyes, quietly thanking me. i smile widely. 

“moving on; the rose can give comfort to a person's low days, their fragrance and glowing beauty enough to make their day brighter. that's how powerful creations can be. it's because they're created to give joy, euphoria, happiness— no matter what. and it's okay if the rose loses it's color someday, too.” 

“why? a rose cannot be a rose without it's colors. people would simply move on from the rose even if they lose even just a little bit of their natural hue. and if the rose decided that they are not a rose anymore, would it be alright? would it's value or worth disappear?”

“a rose is a rose when it's given enough love and care, it doesn't matter if they stop wanting to become a rose and want to change into something, say, a carnation.” the fixed their position before continuing. “a rose doesn't have to be defined by it's color or it's fragrance. the rose can be anything the person wishes it to be. if it's enchanted with a curse, then that's alright. if it's one, unique rose out of a million roses, then it is.” 

taehyun moves closer to me and they squeeze my hand, quietly massaging circles on them, and i felt my breath hitch, gripping their hand tightly as i tried to suppress the tears that want to fall. 

“hey, soobin, talk to me,” they whispers, cupping my cheek to wipe the tears that start to fall slowly, droplets of them falling on our hands as i began to break down, “it's alright, darling, hush...i'm here.” 

it took me a little while to start speaking, and taehyun didn't seem impatient to see me cry— they waited until i was comfortable enough. i felt at peace with taehyun. 

“i..i used to be a rose. after growing, i simply decided i didn't want to be one anymore. it wasn't— i-i didn't like being a rose..so i changed. father didn't like it, and began sharpening his thorns and it hurt me.” 

taehyun clicks their tongue softly and shook their head before gently patting my hair and wiped my tears away. 

“so you're a carnation now?”

i nodded. they smile. 

“you're a handsome carnation, sir. simply stunning.” 

my cheeks felt warm, and taehyun chuckled softly, patting them and squishing them, making me whine like a child. how dare he squish my cheeks! 

“h-hey, taehyun, don't do that—” 

“oh dear, your skin is so stretchy, it's like the rice cakes—” they stopped and rubs my cheeks, their wide eyes getting wider as they played with my cheeks. i giggled and whine a little more. 

“oh dear. rice cakes aren't even enough to describe your cheeks, mr. choi soobin. you're incredibly _adorable_.” 

i tear up at how they refer to me as a sir, and i smile softly, sniffling a little and they chuckle, cooing at me and taking my hands again. 

“hey, soobin hyung, don't ever think of yourself lowly. don't. it's going to be damaging to your psyche.” 

they stare into my eyes, like those eyes urges me to be better, to be better than the wilted rose of my past. i inhale and nod. 

“i..i can't guarantee that i wouldn't, but i'll try, so that i can see you be happy for me.” 

taehyun giggles, “what do you mean? i'm already happy for you, soobin-ssi, and what's more important that you embrace your identity. it's beautiful seeing someone like that.” 

“how about you, taehyun-ah? are you someone like me?” 

taehyun hums before shaking their head, “not—um, fuck, i don't know how to explain it. but, in simplicity, i'm someone. not a woman, not a man. sometimes i'm both, and sometimes i'm neither of them. sometimes i'd like to be referred to as a girl, but sometimes i wanted to be referred to as a boy.” 

i was confused by what they were saying, but somehow i understood them. 

“so..what you're saying is..” i start to make gestures as i speak, “you're a girl, a boy, neither of those, and both of those at the same time?”

“yes. essentially.”

they then took a glance at the city, before looking back at me. their expression seemed to change, but they didn't say anything. i couldn't pinpoint why they were acting that way, but i didn't say anything. 

we stayed there in silence, letting the waves crash upon our legs and as we ate the remaining rice cakes. i was content being like this, spending time like this with a new friend of mine. it wasn't too awkward, as proven by last night's events. 

i don't know. i don't know how these feelings when i'm with them feel..unfamiliar. odd. queer. like i've basked in their presence before, many, many nights ago. 

what does this mean?   
  
  
  


♪¸¸.•*¨*•.  
  
  
  


several months was all it took for the ship to finally sail. 

and in those months, things started to get dreadful, and it was rare that i could go to the port to calm down and find taehyun. i was worried that they would forget about me in the days that followed after our last intercation.

sometimes, i'd see a letter addressed to me at the port, and when i read it, it was blank, but when i used a lamp light, i could read it. it was obviously from taehyun. maybe they didn't want to get hunted. maybe they didn't.

i didn't tell anything else that we talked about to yeonjun. i couldn't trust him. i didn't trust _anyone_ , for the fear of their safety and mine, too.

it was difficult, even for taehyun. the sirens have been luring more of our sailors, while the mermaids were trying their best to stop them from harming our people. while i was trying to convince my father and my friends that they shouldn't be hunted. 

but even still, we still sailed. it's been three days since we've left the city in search for sirens. the weather wasn't even in our favor, but still, father persisted to let us sail. 

tonight is dreadful. 

i awoke to the sounds of shouts and gunshots. i was in my chamber alongside beomgyu, retired to our beds after a particularly long day of helping the crew work and being drilled on firearms training. i never liked it or was interested in it, and physical activity drains me out, so i was just glad that i could rest with beomgyu. 

beomgyu was a friend. nothing less, nothing more. he used to be interested in me, but i wasn't interested in him in _that_ way, but he says that it was alright and didn't expect me to accept his confession. 

still, we were close. 

anyways, where was i? oh, i was at gunshots and being awakened by three bells? yes, yes, that's exactly what happened. the ship was swaying dangerously for a while, and my eyes were heavy. 

yiren, one of our crewmates, burst open the door, holding a revolver and a sword, glaring at us. 

“you fucking bastards, **_wake up!_** we're in danger, now go get your swords and fight out there,” she yelled, and winced a little as the ship was braced with a strong wave. another, much taller woman ran to her and grabbed her waist, saying something about it being dangerous and they left. it was a particularly bad storm, too. 

i..also heard yiren yell again. she's a terrifying. 

(“yoorim! let go of me!”

“it's too dangerous, yiren. stay with jiwon unnie and she'll take care of you. me and sihyeon unnie can handle the job for you.”

“n-no, yoomi, don't-!”

“yiren, if you're gonna try and get yourself killed out there, i'll kill you instead.”

“you're an idiot, heo yoorim.”

“i'm _your_ idiot, wang yiren.”) 

i glanced at beomgyu and nodded, and i took a sip of rum and grabbed my revolver and loaded it and waited for beomgyu to clean his cutlass, and we went out. 

we were faced with numerous mutineers fighting with our crewmates, and i spot yoorim and sihyeon pushing a mutineer overboard. the ship was swaying due to the storm and i start to shoot at the mutineers and beomgyu rushed to attack one of them and i helped, doing what i can to stop the mutineers from hurting my father and my friends. 

i heard a familiar hum and everyone stopped in the midst of fighting. it was a call, a call with some sort of mysterious tone with it. father widens his eyes. 

the ship was manuvered to go to the direction of the call, but the mutineers took advantage of this to kill off our crewmates. i rushed to beomgyu as he was fighting someone who was trying to push him. 

i squinted from the rain and stumbled to him, pushing beomgyu away from the man and we wrestled, and i only got to shoot his shoulder, and he screamed. 

“you _bitch_ ,” he sneered and pushed me overboard, causing me to scream beomgyu's name. 

my heart raced as i fell to the water and cried out, the saltiness and coldness overwhelming me. i tried swimming up, but it was not use. i am not a good swimmer, and i felt exhausted. 

_go take a rest_ , a deep voice whispered in my ear, _everything will be over soon._

another voice reached to me, soft and reassuring, _don't listen to him, soobin. find them._

i sank lower and lower in the dark sea, and i slipped out of consciousness, and everything went black.  
  
  


♪¸¸.•*¨*•.  
  
  
  


**i find myself with legs again.**

**i was standing in front of the port, facing the sea. i could hear footsteps approach me from behind, and i was greeted with a warm hug from behind. i smiled.**

**“love, what are you thinking about?”** **a soft, airy feminine voice whispers. i chuckle and take her hand.**

**“about you, about us,” i answered simply, and we watched as the sun go down slowly, the sky filling with a familiar hue of blue.**

**she hums and rocks me back and forth in her arms, “do you think that we can sail to the sea together? once you've overcame your fear, of course.”**

**i asked her this, and she tightens her hold on me.**

**“i'm not sure yet. maybe one day, when we are older and i have learned to accept that father will have to make me go with him in his expeditions, and mother will be proud of me then, right?”**

**i smile and look at her eyes, full of wonder and uncertainty. she was beautiful.**

**“of course, love. i'll wait until we can sail to the sea, and we can watch the beautiful waves. maybe even swim in it too.”**

**she laughs. ah. she's too delightful, but i'm not complaining.**

**“alright, alright, taehyunnie. i'll see if we can swim together. you have to teach me though.”**

**“don't worry, i'll help you through that.”**

**i sealed a promise with her through a kiss, pouring my emotions for her in it.**

**and the next thing i knew, i was kissing her again. but she was someone else now, and my heart was soaring, eyes filling with tears as i cupped his cheeks and kissed him again. he can't kiss me back right now, but i'll make sure of it soon.**

**my legs were together again, and i swam upwards, holding my dearest close in my arms.**

**_(_ ** **_“i'll save you, my dear soobinnie. hold on, don't let go just yet..”_ ** **_)_ **  
  
  
  


♪¸¸.•*¨*•.  
  
  


i awoke with a gasp, and at the corner of my eye, i saw my father nervously wringing his hands as he was seated nearby. i saw a nurse pacing back and forth, and yeonjun had just entered the room. 

“soobin-ah..you're awake.”

the three people inside the room looked at him, and at me. the nurse rushed to me and checked my temperature, checking my pulse— everything. father walks to me, tears in his eyes and he starts sobbing. 

“my boy, my son, y-you're alright. you're okay!” he sighed in relief as he took my hand and sobbed. i looked around me and my eyes met with yeonjun, and he engulfed me in an embrace. 

“we were so worried, soobinnie..so fucking worried..i'm glad you're okay.” 

i teared up just a little bit and nodded, “y-yeah. i'm okay.” i paused, to take in some air, “where are we? what happened?” 

“we're at the infirmary, sir choi,” the nurse answered, “you have been missing for quite a while, and your father was worried sick because of you. we found you on the shore, pale and wet.” 

father took a seat beside me and yeonjun sat on the bed, and i saw the nurse leave. 

“we..we had a mutiny,” father slowly explained, “and beomgyu told me you were thrown overboard. we tried to find you for days, but we couldn't. i thought the sirens had taken you.” 

yeonjun pets my head softly and i sniffle slightly as i slowly remember a fragment of my memory. i wasn't too sure if it was a dream or what, but all i remember was seeing a much smaller boy looking out on the sea, with hair as dark as the sea. i remember hugging him and kissing him. 

it was strange. he felt familiar, and yet, i couldn't place where. i didn't remember his name. 

“ah, sir, should we tell him about what we had seen before?” yeonjun asked, his voice trembling. father nodded and gripped my hand, as if for the first time, he didn't want me to leave. 

yeonjun then straightens his back, and begins. 

“we found you on the shore a few nights ago, your appearance the same as what miss wheein described earlier.” he inhales sharply, and lowers his voice, looking at me in the eye. 

“we found a male body near you, seemingly passed out as well. his legs were red and came off as cramped, his whole body was slightly pink. he was breathing shallowly and when we tried to carry him as well, he was muttering your name, over and over. “soobinnie..soobinnie..where..” something like that.” 

it was father's turn to speak, “he's in the ward across you, if you would like to visit him. it seems like he knows you. do you know him?” 

i slowly shake my head. who is this? i sat up and rubbed my eyes, “can..can i have breakfast first? i'm famished. i can go visit him myself, whoever this boy may be.”

father nodded and went to get some food for me, and yeonjun stayed. he was chewing on his lower lip, visibly nervous.

i looked at him, “hyung? what are you so worried for?” 

“a-ah, it's nothing, soobin-ah. i was just..just worried for kai.” 

kai is yeonjun's lover, someone he met from his researches, he says. i vaguely remember his features, as they were too foreign for me. 

“where is he?” 

“still haven't showed up to my doorstep.”

i frowned and i pat his arm, “it's okay, hyung, we can wait for him.” 

yeonjun shook his head before he looked up at me again, pushing up his glasses. 

“enough of kai. are _you_ okay? how are you feeling right now?” 

to be honest, i'm not sure either. i felt heavy and light at the same time, and my head was tangled with thoughts of the boy by the port, and the crashing of waves. everything was familiar, but it wasn't. like i had waken up and forgotten everything, but like i remember a little bit of the events that transpired before. 

it was a mess. 

i silently shrugged my shoulders, and i slumped on the bed frame. yeonjun frowns and sighs.  
  
  


♪¸¸.•*¨*•.  
  
  


night came in again, and i couldn't sleep. yeonjun and father had left hours ago, but even so, i felt empty. 

what was this feeling of..nostalgia? like i had experienced that dream before? i wasn't too sure if i could even _remember_ the boy in that dream. after i fell into the sea, i could feel a pair of arms hold me close and warm lips on mine. 

it..lingered. i touched my lips and i could still feel how— how _electrifying_ it felt, how tender and sweet it was. i felt like i needed to chase those lips again, but i didn't know whose lips it was. 

i sigh, and remove the blanket from my body and i stood up, using the walls to support me as i walked towards the room across me, where this boy who was discovered with me resided. 

i knocked on the door, and i heard a weak voice telling me to come in, and so i did. 

a boy with a small body was sitting on the bed, his hair still slightly wet and the infirmary clothes too big on him. i could sense the cold sea from this boy. i closed the door behind me and he moved a little to the side, allowing me to sit beside him. 

he was holding a book and there was a single candle illuminating the room. he stares at me and starts to speak. 

“i didn't expect for you to come in so late at night. i thought you wouldn't wake right now.” he smiles softly and places the book on his lap, closing it and looking back at me. 

wait. i think i know him. the way his eyes sparkled, the way his chapped lips formed into a sweet smile— a pang of familiarity and home hit me. 

the boy peers at me and fixes my hair from my eyes, letting me see his own eyes clearer. 

his eyes was the only sea that i could drown in. and i was breathless. the boy took my hand and laced it with his. it fit perfectly. 

i tear up, “t-taehyunie. you're..you're here.” 

taehyun smiled and they giggle softly, kissing my hand. 

“ah, there's my soobinie. how are you feeling, love? are you alright?” they asked, moving closer to me, and i couldn't feel the cold fishtail. i could feel a warm body, and i hugged taehyun close, not trying to contain my tears. 

they chuckle softly and cards their hand on my hair, cradling me like a child. i sobbed on their chest and i could hear their heartbeat. they felt..real. 

“taehyunnie..a-are you really..?” 

“yes, my dear, i am.” 

they pulled away from the hug and removed their blanket, revealing a pair of legs. i look at them in awe, and they giggled happily. 

“but..how? i-i thought—” they hushed me with their finger, and i stopped talking. they cup my cheek and wipes my tears away, and i take their hand. 

“you dreamt of a boy by the port, right?” i nodded. “that was me. i was yours, when we were younger and much more ambitious.

we met by the library, and i was curious at the book you were reading. you were reading about sea creatures, those who have terrified and astonished humans. we spent time together, and we became close.

i fell for you. i fell for your laugh and your dimpled smile, and your curiosity to the sea, even if you were afraid of it. i have always loved the sea even as a little child, and it grew even more as i pondered what it would be like when you could swim with me, if we could borrow your father's boat and sail to discover if the creatures we have read were real.” 

they smile at me sadly and i looked at them. _my universe._

“unfortunately, we couldn't reach that dream. i was murdered because of my so-called suspicious activity with you. they threw me at the sea, but i woke up to see mermaids and sirens both fighting over on who would take me to their dwelling. i have loved the sea, but was murdered and thrown into it.

sirens are born when someone had died a violent, watery death. while mermaids are born when someone who had a profound love of the sea dies. i was both. and after a few centuries, i was the first mermaid-siren hybrid.

and then, i heard you on that day at the port. i have forgotten how you sounded like, and now that i heard your voice, how can i not go to you?” 

their gentle voice soothed me, and i leaned on their radiance, breathing softly. i gripped their hand tight as i start to cry yet again. this time, taehyun joined me. they held me close and we both laid down on the bed. i nuzzled close on taehyun and i sobbed, and they let out soft sniffles and i closed my eyes, letting myself drown in their embrace. 

“taehyunnie..i'm so sorry i had to make you go through that..i'm really really sorry..” 

i lift up my head to see taehyun's tears rolling down to their cheeks and i wiped them away, kissing them softly, like how i always wanted to. they smile and shake their head.

“it's not your fault, my dear. it's mine and mine only, alright?” i nodded and i let out a sigh, and i hold taehyun in my arms. “i'm sorry too, soobinie hyung..i'm sorry you had to forget. that happens when a siren or a mermaid is born..” 

i placed a soft kiss on taehyun's neck and closed my eyes, mumbling something reassuring, and i could feel taehyun rustling a little and pulling a blanket over us. 

“can i stay here tonight, hyunnie?” 

“of course, soobinie. you're welcome to go here when you want to.” 

i hesitantly open my eyes and looked up at them, sniffling, “a-and..do you want to um..fix our relationship? i-i want to start over and have some new memories with you..” i gripped their waist and i buried my face on their collarbone, inhaling the scent of seawater and home. 

they pat my head and chuckle softly, “hm..that would be nice. i'd like to be with you more, choi soobin.” 

i smiled and hummed happily, too exhausted to talk at this point. hmm..everything made me depleted of energy, and i'm just content to be in taehyun's arms again. 

“goodnight, soobinie hyung,” they whisper as the lights went out, and a silence followed before they kiss my head. i smiled.

i wouldn't mind spending my life with kang taehyun. i slowly drift off to sleep, my mind creating a dream, but this time, i was with taehyun, and we were swimming at the sea with them guiding me with their hands on mine. 

truly, i'm happier now. maybe soon, i'll be able to enjoy the ocean as much as how taehyun enjoys it. 

soon, i won't be afraid of the dark sea, and i'll swim in that sea, knowing that taehyun is by my side.


End file.
